Thanksgiving

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." 
- Romans 15:13

My mother-in-law has been an amazing help to myself and my family for the past 6 months. She graciously comes and stays with us for several weeks at a time in order to help me get the rest I need to heal quicker. I can't begin to sing her praises and thank God for selflessness. A couple of weeks ago she went back home to do some needed work at her house and to give my husband and I some time alone while my parents took the kids to Disney. As life's twists and turns would have it, this past Thursday night she fell and broke her hip. This was extremely distressing news as she was in incredible pain and we live so far away we aren't able to be with her.

I am unable to drive long distances, I had been sick for 2 days prior, and my husband couldn't take off work. So, immediately my mom offered to drop her plans and take me to be with my mother-in-law and help me find her a recovery center. I was really worried about finding her a good recovery home that didn't make her feel like she was in a nursing home per se'. My sister and my friend loving loving arranged to take care of my kids until my husband was off work. I can't begin to tell you how thankful I was for family and friends that were willing to help out!

On the way to the hospital we stopped and ate dinner. Now, just so you know, eating out is a mess for people with Celiac!! Luckily a lot of places now have allergy lists for their food, but somehow I misread something or my food got cross-contaminated and I immediately got sick. Ugh!!! My mom had never seen this happen and she was stunned what an affect gluten can have on a person.

Mom and I arrived at the hospital that evening. My mother-in-law was in so much pain and could hardly move. We were able to pray with her and visit for awhile before we left for the night. Yet another friend graciously housed us for the night and fixed us breakfast in the morning. That night the trip and the gluten had really taken a tole on my body, so I had to go straight to bed.

The next day was a whirl wind visiting my mother-in-law and trying to find her the best place to stay. Let me just express to you how good God is!!! My mom just happened to think to call a friend that was familiar with several of the care centers around town, because her friend visits people who are sick. We called her and she immediately narrowed our list of 12 places down to 2. On top of that, when we went to see the place the admissions director just happened to be there (it was a Saturday, her day off). She took the time to take us around and explain how things worked. She was so very helpful and we felt like God had just made one of my primary goals of coming super easy. To top that off one of my mom's really good friends had gone through recovery at this place and also sang its praises.

When we got back to the hospital my mother-in-law was so relieved to hear we had found a good place and was nearly looking forward to going to the care center. Such a blessing, because as you can imagine no one wants to have to go to a "nursing home" and no one wants to put their loved one in a "nursing home." We were able to leave with my mother-in-law in good spirits and assurance that God was taking care of her.

Since then…this week has been really difficult. I realized that I am no where near able to travel that far right now. My body has been hurting and my symptoms have been worse. Luckily I have friends who helped me get my kids to school and take care of them for me. I have gotten some much needed rest and started to get my stamina back.

This week couldn't have made me more thankful for the joy and peace that comes with trusting in God. He feels me with hope, even when circumstances don't look hopeful. He gives me the strength to face every moment of every day; something very challenging when living with Lyme. He places people in our path to guide, help, and support when we need it most. This Thanksgiving I am most thankful the good and gracious God I serve.

Grumbles & Gratitude

I haven't written for sometime and there are always mixed reasons when I don't write. Usually, it is because I am trying to spend all of my healthy moments with my family and then when I don't feel good, I just don't feel like writing.

The past couple of weeks I have been struggling to look at the sunshine through the rain. My health has been doing so so so much better. However, what seems to be happening when I feel better is that I expect myself to do more, meanwhile forgetting that I am not 100%. Then I get super frustrated when I realize I am not 100% and that pacing myself and patience are still vital to full recovery. Stay with me while I go on a grumbling rant for a moment…
I am tired of needing help. I am tired of not being able to clean my own house. I am tired of depending on others to help me. I am tired of doctors appointments and drinking nasty things to help heal my body. I am tired of having to say "no" to 4 possible job positions in the past several months, because I am not at a place in life where I can work yet. I am tired of being negative and snippy and losing my temper because I can't seem to express to people what is going on with my emotions. Sometimes appearing well is almost worse than appearing sick, because it is almost impossible for people to understand or know that I am not 100%. And quite frankly, I don't want for anyone to know I am not well yet.

I really believe it can be helpful to express grumbles, but to stay focused on them is not in any way shape or form beneficial. So let me share with you just a few things that I am so thankful for…
I am thankful I serve a living God! I am thankful for salvation and the hope of eternal life with a God who loves us even in our darkest hours! I am thankful for the peace that comes from the Holy Spirit! I am thankful for strength from the word of God! I am thankful for an amazing husband who is so patient and loving regardless of his own stresses in life! I am thankful for 3 healthy and happy kiddos! I am thankful for family and friends who are willing to give up their own time and schedules to help out my family! I am thankful good doctors who have not given up on my recovery! I am thankful for a home and food to eat! I am thankful that my heater and air conditioner work! I am thankful I have been able to go on dates, attend church, and even the Irish Dancers Xmas Concert without getting super sick!!

These blessings far outweigh anything that I could ever begin to grumble about, and I didn't even begin to write the half of them. Yes, life is full of disappointment and hardships and sickness. We live in a broken world. But friends, JOY comes in the morning. Thanks be to God.

Psalm 138

Thanksgiving and Praise

Of David AND now of Kelly Myers And hopefully You too!

1 I give you thanks, O Lord, with my whole heart;
    before the gods I sing your praise;
2 I bow down toward your holy temple
    and give thanks to your name for your steadfast love and your faithfulness;
    for you have exalted your name and your word
    above everything.[a]
3 On the day I called, you answered me,
    you increased my strength of soul.[b]

4 All the kings of the earth shall praise you, O Lord,
    for they have heard the words of your mouth.
5 They shall sing of the ways of the Lord,
    for great is the glory of the Lord.
6 For though the Lord is high, he regards the lowly;
    but the haughty he perceives from far away.

7 Though I walk in the midst of trouble,
    you preserve me against the wrath of my enemies;
you stretch out your hand,
    and your right hand delivers me.
8 The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me;    your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever.
    Do not forsake the work of your hands.

My Supplement/Medicines

Chronic Lyme is not only most likely under diagnosed but it also is very difficult to treat. That statement has all sorts of controversy in it, so let me just say that this post is directed to those who believe in Chronic Lyme and or who have been diagnosed with it. I have been through several treatments and I want to share with you my latest and why I think it might be of help to you.

First as you may know from previous posts that I went through a series of antibiotic treatments that seemed to help for a while, but in the end just left me with a bad digestive system. Then in the Spring of 2014 I had regressed so badly that I decided to begin an alternative treatment plan. This is something that was very foreign to me and not something I would have typically done as I have always grown up with "western medicine."

I am still doing my ONDAMED and seeing my Chinese Herbalist.

Sweet Relief

It has been almost 2 months since I went to Longevity Health Center in Atlanta and I am happy to say that I am experiencing relief in my symptoms.

During the first month of treatment my symptoms got worse and I felt horrible. I had tics that were manifested in a grunting sound. They would go on and on. They were uncontrollable and very uncomfortable often causing pain in my chest. I had an ONDAMED treatment to help reduce the tics. It took about a week and then they started subsiding. Praise the Lord I am rarely experiencing them now.

In September I sent my blood to Longevity Health Center to be looked at for the 1 month review. Things looked better but the spirochetes were still present. They changed my treatment up and have been focusing on my kidneys and mercury this month. The past two weeks have been the most relief I have experienced in a long long time. I have had more energy. For the first time in over a year I was able to go to church and not be a shaking mess from the sounds and stimulation. I have not had a seizure in a month. This weekend I went to a ball room dancing class and watched 59 kids for 3 hours go nuts at Flipz USA; I am paying for that today, but that I was even able to make it through was amazing.

Today I am resting because I am tired out and my body is responding to the tiredness. BUT…I feel better than I did!!! God is working in my body. I don't know what the next set of treatments will be like, but I am not worried about tomorrow - I am enjoying today.

Living the Real Life

I am glad, I am sad, My facial spasms make me mad.

I would like to tell you that everyday I live I am extremely thankful for all of the blessings God has given me. I would like to tell you that I never focus on the negative and that each morning I jump out of bed with a renewed hope. I think this is the face I try to show people but so I often I am just posing. I am the exact person that Brennan Manning talks about in his book "Posers, Fakers and Wannabes".

I realized

3 Strikes Your Out OR 3rd Times a Charm

Well, it has been about a month since I last wrote. That's a sure way to get people to forget about my blog!!! 
As, you may or may not know over the course of the past year and a half I have tried to get into the Mayo not once, not twice, but three times. The first time was before I got really really sick and was admitted to Barnes Jewish. I was rejected that time I think, because I had not exhausted all of the resources around me. Then the second time was recently. I thought for sure I would get in because I had exhausted all of the resources around me. Within a week of applying to the neurology department I was sent a letter stating that there was nothing more they could do, but if my doctor wanted to talk with the "on-call" doctor about it they could. So, one of my doctors offices called and finally convinced the neurology department to take another look at my case. In no time at all I received a third letter stating they would not see me.

I believe it is easy to look at this as 3 Strikes I am out, there is nothing more for me to do but sit in the dug out and feel dejected. OR, I can choose to look at the Mayo rejecting me 3 times as "3rd Times a Charm" and here is why…

Over the course of the past couple of years I have been blessed to attend a retreat in Atlanta, GA for mom's with adoptive kids called Created 4 Care. The first year one of the leaders of the retreat mentioned how she had been so sick and couldn't walk and had to hire help etc. I wasn't  personally to that state quite yet, but I was very close. When I inquired what she had, I found out she had had Lyme. Shortly after  the retreat, I too was diagnosed with Lyme. This past year I attended the retreat again and the lady was doing awesome. I found out she had never even been treated with antibiotics; even though it took her a year she was all better. AMAZING! I wanted to know where she had gone and what treatment she had done.

In the meantime at the retreat, right after worship, the lady sitting next to me asked me if I had Lyme. Kind of an out of no where question! I told her yes and she proceeded to tell me she had been looking for me because someone had mentioned me to her and that I had Lyme. She was excited to have happened to sit by me (this is not a small conference people) and wanted to talk to me about herself and her friend's experience with Lyme. She had been struggling for years and but she had just gone to a doctor with her friend there in Atlanta and was thinking about going to see him. Her friend had had Lyme and was better after about a year of treatment. Guess what, she went to the same doctor that conference leader had gone to.

So I took this all in and thought it was cool and that I should see what kind of treatment this doctor did and if there was anything like it in MO, because GA is kind of far to be going to the doctor. When I got back I started some alternative treatments and seemed to be getting some better but progress was slow, which is why I finally decided to try the Mayo. I was super unsure about the Mayo and I kept praying and having friends pray about getting in because I believed that if that is where I needed to be God would get me in. However, I felt very very unsettled about it. When I didn't get in I started thinking about this place in GA and started considering going there as a real possibility. I was not content to sit in the dug out just because the Mayo wouldn't get me in. I was not content to go back on antibiotics that would continue to destroy my gut and not heal my Lyme. I was not content to be told that my problems were neuro-psychological when I had therapists telling me they did not believe this to be my issue.

So, I made an appointment and I went to GA. It was about an 11 hour trip that turned into about 13 hours. This might not sound bad but I don't travel well these days so by the time we arrived I was a shaking mess. On the up side it was great to actually be able to spend one-on-one time with my husband for that many hours with no interruptions. I think the appointment is something I am going to have to write about in another post because it is too interesting to not give you details. Right now, I am off to rest. Please check back soon, I have so many blessings to share.

Trust & Quietness

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." -Proverbs 3:5-6

"…In quietness and trust is your strength." -Isaiah 30:15

Anyone who knows me very well would probably describe me as someone who often has a certain amount of anxiety. I believe it frequently takes on the disguise as "drive"; always wanting to be moving or get something done.  This can actually seem like a good thing at times, the desire to accomplish goals and see things through, but in reality the anxiety is a lack of rest and contentment.

When I first got really sick and had to go to Barnes Jewish Hospital, my mom got so aggravated with me, because the doctors asked me if I worried a lot and I told them no. My mom knows me pretty well and she knew this was not the full truth. Of course I worry!

The anxiety has been rapidly growing in me the past week. I am so tired of going to doctors and being sick. My attempt to get into the Mayo is because I am tired of going to doctors, being sick, and I can't afford the treatments that are required for Lyme. But here is where the anxiety and worry has started building up in me…what if I don't get into Mayo, what if I do get into Mayo and they ignore my pain or aren't open to Lyme or try to pigeon hole me into a diagnosis because they aren't sure. What if I need to go to this place in Arizona instead of Mayo, because they have been studying and treating Lyme for a decade. What if, what if, what if??????? Let me just tell you I have not been at peace.

So, I was praying last night as I woke up throughout the night the scriptures about anxiety and God's consolation. This morning as I am spending time with God, the two scriptures from my devotional are about trust and quietness. When we trust in God, our creator - the one who knows all things and is in control of all things, the path we should walk becomes straighter and not so curvy. Its the curves in the road that throw me off: like learning to ride a bike and once the corner comes up not knowing how to steer and thus falling to the ground. But trusting in God, letting him steer, my path becomes straighter and less scary. In addition when I allow my mind to be quiet and not filled with the "what ifs" my trust in God can grow and I can be strengthened.

Believe me, even as I write, I am having trouble allowing my mind and heart to be quiet and trust in God. There is a part of me that clings to the worry. Its in my human nature to want to control, get things done and worry about the outcome. Relinquishing these things is what God desires for me and for everyone. To rest in quietness and trust him fully, because he is knows what is best and is in control. A few days ago I asked you to pray about me getting into Mayo, but what I really need prayer for more than anything is that I will be quiet and trust in God.